Darth Stitch
by Female Meatbag
Summary: What would happen if you combined my dog, a hungry gizka and a lightsaber? Carth and Revan are about to find out... Hope you enjoy!


"Revan!" Carth screamed.

"What in the..?" she said as she skidded to a halt in the kitchen doorway.

It was a large kitchen. The island in the middle of it had burn marks near the bottom in zig-zag pattern, between 7 to 10 inches high. The walls were painted a serene blend of colors that reminded them of the Rakatan world they had fallen in love with; the beauty of the beaches not so much the 'Temple of Death.' How appropriate because Carth was backed into the corner, between the cooling unit and the kitchen sink, trapped in a world of sea-foam green. There was nowhere for him to go because right in front of him was an activated lightsaber in the mouth of an endearing gizka. Well I guess that explains the marks around the island.

Carth said, "It has come to my attention that I can only command fleets that do not contain gizka because this little guy is being completely insubordinate. He hasn't followed a single order since this started." Carth pushed a hand through his unruly 'morning' hair, "Seriously Rev, what should I do?"

Revan stuttered a reply, "What you shou…well maybe we could…I think I could….hmmm", she looked up at Carth.

"Rev, babe, would you like to finish one of those sentences? I can't read your mind you know, and I haven't even had my caffa yet. I was going to bring one to you and then…" with an open hand Carth gestured to the little Gizka, "this happened."

Footsteps could be heard running from Mission's bedroom. "What did he chew now? I'm sorry, I've really been..."

Mission came up short when she ran into Revan's back. She looked over Revan's shoulder to look into the kitchen. Her eyes went wide at the display. Being used to coming when she heard any type of outburst she knew she would find Stitch in trouble. She had been expecting to see something more along the lines of a chewed shoe. She had NOT expected this.

"Oh, um…how did he get that?" she directed towards Carth.

Carth had an answer for her, "Oh, that's easy. Revan never puts anything away and you can't train your pets. I'm going to have to quit the fleet just to take care of you two. I swear if…."

Revan interrupted. "Oh, because talking about this now is going to help. You knew I was messy when you first met me. You just couldn't resist my innocent face or my green lightsaber." Revan said with a gleam in her eye.

Carth mirrored the happy gleam. "I couldn't resist anything when it came to you and I still can't, and you see the type of trouble it gets me in," Carth said with love in his eyes. "Apparently Mission has me around her finger too or else I wouldn't have a Sith Gizka at my feet."

"Oh come on, Carth, the blade is green, he is CLEARLY a Gizka Guardian," snickered Revan.

He gave her a look, one of the many faces of Carth. She knew she got him with that comment so she took her right hand index finger to her tongue and then made a, one, gesture in the air. She got a mark on her side of their invisible scoreboard.

"Oh, humor, ha ha, I've got an ingrown chuckle right about here." Carth pointed to his heart.

"Coo, coooooo, co ooooh. [Hey, Blue, look at me, look at me, look at me.]" He started to move toward Mission.

"NO! Stay!" she screamed to her pet.

"Son of a…" Carth caught himself when the saber moved a little closer to him. Do I smell burned hair? He thought. "Sure, I've fought Sith but I'm going to pee my pants because of a gizka."

Revan said, "Relax flyboy, don't you trust me?" with humor in her voice. "Snrkkk….cough," she brought her hands to her face to cover her spasm.

Carth heard the noise coming out of her mouth. "Did you just snort?" he asked. "You're enjoying this aren't you?"

"Well to answer your question flyboy, the possibility of the Most Handsome Pilot in the Galaxy getting wounded is certainly not enjoyable, but disarming a gizka is a nice reprieve from disarming a Sith army don't you think?"

Carth just rolled his eyes at her. How did the woman ever manage to take over a galaxy? She's never serious, he thought to himself.

Mission was still standing there with her hand held up towards the pet in the "Stop" position. "Carth," she asked, "did you remember to give him a treat this morning? You were first up. You know how he is with routines. If he doesn't get his treat he usually ends up being bad, like I don't know, trying to chew a lightsaber."

Carth was shocked, his eyes were open wide and he said, "Wait, wait, wait a minute, you're going to blame this on me? No way. This is your pet. You wanted him. I just came to get me and Rev a cup of caffa before we...never mind. Besides, I don't think you refilled the treat jar."

"Before we what?" Revan said in a sexy voice as she fingered the front of her robe.

Carth turned his whiskey brown eyes on her and gave her an intense look. Oh that look; his come hither stare, but way hotter. She took her two fingers to her forehead and gave him a small salute, "Touché." He got a mark on his side of the invisible scoreboard.

Mission chimed in with, "Oh please, just stop."

"Coo, coooooo, co ooooh? [Is it just me or have I not gotten a treat yet this morning?]" sounded Stitch as he started to move toward Mission.

She started to scold her pet.

"NO! Stay!" She looked sideways at Revan and raised her eyebrows as if to ask, "Well?"

Revan was pondering the situation. She looked up at the two other humans in the room, "You know guys, this is a little beneath me. I mean, I have 'killed the Sith Lord' on my resume."

Her mind wandered through her memories on everything she had experienced in the past 6 years. Save the Republic - got it. Kill the bad guys - no sweat. Destroy the Star Forge - pffft, all over it. Destroy former apprentice - vaped him. Get to the bottom of everything in the Unknown Regions... okay that was worse than trying to pull the ears off a gundark, but - mission accomplished. Save flyboy from gizka...what?

"It will be okay Carth."

She knew it would, she just wasn't sure how. The commando gizka wasn't going to kill him but the embarrassment of being marred by one just might.

Revan looked over her left shoulder, "Mission, doesn't he know any commands besides stop?"

"Sure, Rev, he's real smart."

"Coo coo cooooo co. [Got to tell you, I'm not all that smart. If I was, I would have followed the old lady down the lane, the one that's always baking cookies. I bet I would have had a treat by now."

"Rev, he doesn't pee in your shoes anymore and he stopped leaving presents in your closet."

"Oh, let's get this started again. Do we want to talk about the endless pieces of tissue we find all over the place? How about the holo remote he chewed?" Carth asked her.

Mission pinched her face at him. "He knows commands, he knows drop it. Drop it, Stitch," Mission said as she looked down on him. Stitch just looked up at her which, of course, moved the lightsaber dangerously close to Carth once again.

Revan then said, "Drop it."

No response from Stitch except a "Cooo? [What?]"

Revan tried again in a sterner voice, "Drop It!"

Stitch said in a louder tone, "Co cooo cooo! [I already said what!]"

Mission yelled, "DROP IT!"

Then a confused Stitch said, "COOO COOO COO?! [I have no idea what you're talking about. Seriously, I don't, so just shut up and give me a treat. Something fishy, I'm feeling the need for some Omega III's.]"

Then there was a joining of all three yelling at the top of their voices, "DROP IT!!!!"

This of course scared the little gizka. " Coo. [Geez, there's no need to yell,]" and left a piddle on the floor. [Aww man, now I wet myself.]

"Dammit!" Carth said.

[Ditto to that statement, pinky.]

The group thought Stitch must be feeling excited at being the center of attention as he started wagging his body back and forth, making Carth squeeze himself even further into the sink behind him,

"Coooooo. [You going to feed me something or what? Because if I don't get a smackeral of something real soon I'm going to do something bad and let me tell ya', I'm starting to get some real friendly feelings towards your pant leg right now.]"

Mission once again yelled, "Stop!"

[I'm standing right here, haven't moved, just looking for a treat. This thing in my mouth is not that tasty, kind of metallic in point of fact but I'm not giving it up for nothing.]

"Can't you use the force and just take it from him?" Mission asked.

"Sure, but it will probably hurt him."

"Coooo cooooooooooooooo. [Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's back up the Force truck here and not do that one. I'm still not real happy with where you took my temperature last week.]" He backed up a little and put his head down in a submissive position and yet, still, an even worse lightsaber placement for Carth.

Carth backed up even further into the cabinets and screamed, "STOP!" which was chimed in with Mission's same command.

[Again with the yelling, it's really not necessary. I'm still here, waiting, just waiting for my treat.]

"Revan, please don't hurt him," she begged.

"Mission, if you have any other ideas I'd say them now, because Carth wasn't all that thrilled to let you have the pet in the first place."

Revan and Carth had naturally assumed the role of parents for Mission after destroying the Star Forge. Carth had promised Revan that Mission could live with them for as long as she needed. It was something he would have done anyway; he had already loved her like a daughter. Everyone needed 'something' after all that darkness while scouring the galaxy and it was during this time that she had begged Carth for a pet and, feeling the need for a little levity, he had agreed to adopting a gizka.

Carth interrupted the two women, "You are sure taking your time on this. I mean, if either of you so much as see a garnant you go crazy like Exar Kun had reincarnated himself right in front of you - the way you two yell. Let's not even talk about what you do if one gets in the speeder with you. But I always come running. Now here I need your help and you're being slower than a Bantha in wet sand. Gotta tell ya', I'm not feeling the love here girls. And I am NOT calling into work to say I have to take the day off because I've been skewered by a pet smaller than my boots."

Mission looked incredulous, "But garnants sting, they're totally scary. This is just a gizka."

"Gizka with a lightsaber! Or are you missing the glowing green blade?" Carth hollered.

Mission stuck her tongue out at him. "Rev, your saber will deactivate as soon as it leaves his mouth right? So, it's just a matter of making him drop it."

"Yes, but as you can see, he hasn't got the whole 'drop it' idea down and I don't think Carth is having fun anymore."

[Oh, I know drop it, but only in exchange for something better.]

Carth gave a reply to the rhetorical comment, "Oh no, I'm having loads of fun. Just wait until I get out of this, I'll show you just how thrilled I really am."

"Sarcasm duly noted, flyboy."

Stitch was feeling neglected and started to hop up towards Carth and they all yelled at him again.

"[Again with the yelling, really not necessary. I still have a full bladder you know.]"

Stitch obviously felt he was being falsely accused and made another mystery puddle on the floor, "[Great, you scared me so bad I soiled myself again.]"

"Well, this just keeps getting better," Carth remarked.

Stitch sat in place again, "[Still trying for a treat here people. Got a short life span, need to spoil me so you don't feel guilty when I kick it.]"

"It's ok, I know what to do. I'll be back in a second. I'll just get the toy that Carth gave him. It's his favorite!"

Revan looked up at her flyboy with a smile on her face and said, "See, you bought that toy as a joke and here it's going to save your life."

"Great, I'm being saved by Canderous. Lovely."

Stitch was looking at both of them expectantly, probably wondering why his antics were not having the desired effect because no one was coming near him.

"Cooooo. [Hey, remember me? How about I piddle in your shoes again? I've been chewing the carpet in the corner of the big room over there for about two weeks now and I've been saving a hairball for a special occasion. I can bring it up anytime folks.]"

Revan held her hand up and said, "Stop," just to be on the safe side.

[dammit]

Mission stepped into the kitchen carefully with a toy hiding behind her back.

One day Carth had been in a very jubilant mood and went into a pet store to get a present for Stitch, he usually left all of that for Mish. Imagine his surprise when he saw some toys made to look like Heroes of the Republic. What a stupid idea, thought Carth. But then, lo and behold, the perfect gift. As ridiculous as the idea was, he laughed his ass off when he found a plush toy made to resemble Mandalore. When he picked it up and it made a high-pitched squeak, he was sold. He bought the entire stock. It was no end of delight that Stitch had fallen in love with the toy. It was soft, it was larger than he was, it squeaked, what's not to love? The best part had been when Canderous had shown up for a short visit on Telos and had come over for dinner. Stitch had come running in the room bearing the gift. It squeaked, and squeaked, and squeaked and finally Mission had told him, "It's ok, you can just take it from him. He won't stop playing with it and it will just drive us all crazy." She had then turned her head to wink at Revan and Carth. When Canderous took the toy out of his mouth his jaw had dropped. He snapped his head up at his tormenters and roared, "What the he...?" Everyone had burst out laughing and it took about 20 minutes for them all to calm down.

Revan told them, "Ok, this is how we are going to do it. Carth is going to remain perfectly still...."

"As if I could do something else?" Carth cut her off.

After giving him an exasperated look she continued, "And when I say so, squeak Mandy for him. If this doesn't work..." Revan didn't have to finish that sentence; Mission knew her beloved pet was on the line. Revan counted, 3, 2, 1, now, Mission."

"Stitch, look it's Candy."

squeak, squeaaaak, squeeeaaaakkkkkky

"Coo Coo COO! [So what's up with the trea...Heeeeyyyyy, is that a squeaky?]"

"...want to play with Mandy..."

Squeak, squeak, squeeaaakkkyyy

Stitch noticed his toy, [Well dress me up and call me pretty!] He immediately dropped the lightsaber, [squeaky goodness,] and clutched the toy in his mouth and started hopping towards Mission.

"Coo COO COO. [Oh, I'm gonna get that thing this time. I am all over the squeak.]"

"See, crisis averted. Former Lord of the Sith to the rescue!" Revan joked. "Freedom from Taranteteks, Krayt Dragons, and lightsaber-wielding gizka."

Carth laughed, she had the best sense of humor and that was part of the reason he was so in love with her. Carth rushed over to her and gave her a hug from behind. He whispered into her ear, his whiskers lightly brushing her neck, "This doesn't get repeated to anyone, EVER. You know that right?"

Squeak, squeaaaak, squuuueeeeaaaaak could be heard throughout the house. [That's right Candy, who's got you squeaking now?]

Revan told him "Yes, I know. I wouldn't want your reputation to get besmirched by a poor defenseless little animal." Her eyes danced as she turned around in his embrace to face him and returned the hug.

squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.....

"Hey," Carth defended himself, "It's always fun and games until someone loses an eye. He had a lightsaber…they're sharp!" They both looked down at Stitch. He would run up to the toy, nuzzle it to get it to squeak, throw it in the air, and then chase it when it fell back down. "You know, I think that he has serious mental deficiencies. That's just not normal behavior."

[Hey pal, ease up on the insults. I'm hunting a squeaky. I see a squeaky, I take him down. Your very own terminator right here.]

"No, I think he's just obsessive compulsive," said Revan as she turned up towards Carth to give him a kiss.

[No I'm not] squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak...

"Perhaps we should rename him?" Revan looked up at him while not leaving his arms.

"Oh yeah, what are you thinking of beautiful?"

"Darth Stitch."

"Amusing. I might make you pay for that."

"Really? Are you going to spank me?" Revan joked.

"Don't even go there sister." That was a tie, if they were keeping score. But, of course, that would be beneath them.

Carth had found out that as a young child, Revan had a joking manner. That part of her personality had lain dormant while she was embroiled in war but had awakened again when the she returned to the light. It could even be said that it blossomed because she would find the humor in any and every situation she could. Perhaps it helped heal her wounded soul, it certainly had helped his.

"Hey Mission?"

"Yeah, Rev?" She started to scratch Stitch behind whatever acted as ears for him. He was cooing up at her while still being able to squeak.

[No, no, right here, no here, a little to the le....oh yeah, that's the spot] His right rear leg started thumping against the floor in an erratic pattern.

"Get my lightsaber and clean it up."

"Sure, no big deal. Thanks for not hurting him."

"No problem, the little guy has kind of grown on us."

"Yeah, but he's going to training classes, EVERY DAY!" Carth said in his fatherly/stern voice, which basically meant nothing because he was such a softie to her.

Mission said, "Sure, no problem."

[Pffftth, bite me, pinky. I'm gonna get right on that 'obey' thing. Right after I finish chewing that orange jacket of yours.]

Stitch was so intense in his attack of the Mandalore toy that the squeak was starting to get inconsistent. [Uh oh, hull breach. Stang! That happened last time. I hate when that happens, I don't get it.] The squeaky part of the toy fell out of its body, a puncture mark through it.

"Wow, you destroyed that one faster than usual. Anyway, you gu....." She turned towards Carth and Revan and watched them disappear towards their bedroom. Oh gross, I'm never going to get used to this. She looked back at Stitch, "You know, they breed about as much as you guys do."

[You have no idea]

She started to go get the lightsaber. She went to pick it up, gobs of Gizka slobber oozing all over it. "Oh, ewwwwwww!"

"[That's some Grade-A slobber right there. Good stuff. Want some more? Come on; let me lick your face.]" Stitch started to hop up at her.

She ignored him and walked into the kitchen to clean up Revan's lightsaber. Stitch kept hopping at her and, in general, being annoying. She looked down at him. "What?"

"[My squeaky's stopped squeaking so, I feel you need to entertain me for a while – I've had a rough morning. Oh and by the way, what's the ETA on that treat you promised me sweet cheeks?]"


End file.
